piano man

23 Sep

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NAME: Ned

LAST SEEN: Passed out at a bus stop, wearing a Burger King crown

OCCUPATION: Sells encyclopedias door to door

INTERESTS: Bar nuts, BBW, and Billy Joel

LAST ITEMS FOUND BETWEEN CUSHIONS: An expired bus pass and ten packets of ketchup

on my own

6 Sep

heather

NAME: Doreen

LAST SEEN: Being escorted out of a speed dating event for taking too long

OCCUPATION: Sells holiday sweaters for cats on Etsy. She knits them herself.

INTERESTS: Laurence Olivier, David Rintoul, Colin Firth, Matthew Macfadyen, and Eliot Cowan (aka all of the men who have every played Mr. Darcy)

LAST ITEMS FOUND BETWEEN CUSHIONS: A knitting needle and an overdue library book

** Thanks to Heather for this pic!

riders on the storm

22 Aug

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NAME: Roy

LAST SEEN: Trying to sneak a bag of Chips Ahoy out of an AA meeting

OCCUPATION: Pickpocket / amateur storm chaser

INTERESTS: Flaming Hot Cheetos, pinball, and free shit

LAST ITEMS FOUND BETWEEN CUSHIONS: A VHS copy of TWISTER and ID cards from 11 different states (none of which are his)

**Thanks to Madison for this pic!

the tide is high

15 Aug

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NAME: Tiffany

LAST SEEN: Trapped in a spray tanning booth

MOST EMBARRASSING MOMENT: Setting fire to the MTV Beach House by knocking over a flaming shot of Everclear

INTERESTS: Airbrushed tank tops, sugar free Red Bull, and her pet hermit crab Mr. Belding

LAST ITEMS FOUND BETWEEN CUSHIONS: A belly ring and a Britney Spears tour t-shirt from 1999

SHOUT OUT TO ROUGHIN’ FOR THIS PIC!

 

beer for my horses

14 Aug

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NAMES: Bud and Billy

LAST SEEN: Leaving Monopoly money to pay for their meal at Applebee’s

OCCUPATION: Retired alpaca famers

INTERESTS: Civil War reenactments, their Winnebago, and the open road

LAST ITEMS FOUND BETWEEN CUSHIONS: A Burger King crown and a lucky rabbit’s foot… still attached to the rabbit

you’re so vain

9 Aug

photo copy 3

NAME: Belinda

LAST SEEN: Getting a perm at Big Betty’s Beauty Boutique

OCCUPATION: Mary Kay Beauty Consultant

INTERESTS: Lifetime movies, Bingo night, and collecting Betty Boop memorabilia

LAST ITEMS FOUND BETWEEN CUSHIONS: Fake eyelashes and Spanx

bye bye bye

5 Aug

 

photo

NAME: Justin

LAST SEEN: Throwing up under a table at a wedding reception

OCCUPATION: Wedding reception DJ

GREATEST ACHIEVEMENT: Made a tux entirely out of duck tape

LAST ITEMS FOUND BETWEEN CUSHIONS: A plastic bride cake topper and a jello shot

** Thanks to Elliott in Buenos Aires for the pic!

 

 

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