LAST SEEN: Passed out at a bus stop, wearing a Burger King crown
OCCUPATION: Sells encyclopedias door to door
INTERESTS: Bar nuts, BBW, and Billy Joel
LAST ITEMS FOUND BETWEEN CUSHIONS: An expired bus pass and ten packets of ketchup
LAST SEEN: Being escorted out of a speed dating event for taking too long
OCCUPATION: Sells holiday sweaters for cats on Etsy. She knits them herself.
INTERESTS: Laurence Olivier, David Rintoul, Colin Firth, Matthew Macfadyen, and Eliot Cowan (aka all of the men who have every played Mr. Darcy)
LAST ITEMS FOUND BETWEEN CUSHIONS: A knitting needle and an overdue library book
** Thanks to Heather for this pic!
LAST SEEN: Trying to sneak a bag of Chips Ahoy out of an AA meeting
OCCUPATION: Pickpocket / amateur storm chaser
INTERESTS: Flaming Hot Cheetos, pinball, and free shit
LAST ITEMS FOUND BETWEEN CUSHIONS: A VHS copy of TWISTER and ID cards from 11 different states (none of which are his)
**Thanks to Madison for this pic!
LAST SEEN: Trapped in a spray tanning booth
MOST EMBARRASSING MOMENT: Setting fire to the MTV Beach House by knocking over a flaming shot of Everclear
INTERESTS: Airbrushed tank tops, sugar free Red Bull, and her pet hermit crab Mr. Belding
LAST ITEMS FOUND BETWEEN CUSHIONS: A belly ring and a Britney Spears tour t-shirt from 1999
SHOUT OUT TO ROUGHIN’ FOR THIS PIC!
NAMES: Bud and Billy
LAST SEEN: Leaving Monopoly money to pay for their meal at Applebee’s
OCCUPATION: Retired alpaca famers
INTERESTS: Civil War reenactments, their Winnebago, and the open road
LAST ITEMS FOUND BETWEEN CUSHIONS: A Burger King crown and a lucky rabbit’s foot… still attached to the rabbit